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5 NatSec Things - 15 Feb 2018

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In today's things, stuff gets a little weird. We've got Big Brother arguing how it's cool to be Big B
 
February 15 · Issue #33 · View online
5 NatSec Things
In today’s things, stuff gets a little weird. 
We’ve got Big Brother arguing how it’s cool to be Big Brother; fake general rents a helo to impress a lady; why we should be angry about strawberry Oreos; the DoD missed like 4,000 people that shouldn’t have had guns in the first place; call ahead before you attack, yeah?

CIA officer wants the leakers off the Agency lawn
I’m breaking a personal rule by putting another op-ed in this thing. Because most of the time your average opinion piece is an amalgam of puerile pablum, strung together with all the coherence one would expect from a 3rd grader dictating to a 4th grader on a school bus rattling its way down some back country road in the heart of Trump country. 
But. 
I’m noticing a certain tone to some of these op-eds, nay, even the journalism pieces, coming out of some sources, and it speaks to the tenor of the national conversation about where the lines of right and wrong are drawn. 
Like this one, which sounds like what would happen if the CIA let its retired officers camp out on the lawn and air their various grievances about how things were better in their day. 
You know, back when extraordinary rendition was the shit and we still had some dudes running around who could remember the Bay of Pigs fondly.
This particular piece is about how keeping secrets makes you a hero, too.
Looking at you, leakers. 
Wouldn’t surprise me if the same brain trust that gave us Reefer Madness came up with this schlock, too, since the first leaker it tosses on its aging pitchfork is Daniel Ellsberg, the first and greatest leaker of the modern age.
Ellsberg had the audacity to tell the world that the Americans were lying about what they were up to in Vietnam, and for that, the author wants to pillory the likes of Ellsberg, Snowden, Manning, and Winner. 
Those of you late to the party, that last one’s Reality Winner. That’s the name of a person. Who isn’t tied in any way to any affairs with Donald Trump. 
The key point they’re making? That if you’ve got a problem and you work in the intel community somewhere? Take it up with the whistleblowers. 
And get off the damn lawn, you Commies. 
It’s true that what Manning and Snowden leaked had real potential to get people killed. Legitimate concern there. But I don’t want the gatekeepers of the secrets to have their moral compass ground into a fine powder and mixed into the whiskey of the good old boy spy network that works harder at keeping secrets from the public than protecting said public from harm.
Because they’re not worried about our enemies.
They’re worried about us.
So you're wearing a fake Ranger tab? Hold my beer
No, this has very little to do with national security. Mr. Borrowed Valor here isn’t actually in the military, it wasn’t a military chopper, and there’s no defense connection really to this story.
I just figure with all the video of fake specialists running around with fake tabs at your local food court, this guy’s on a whole other level.
Sbarro’s Pizza Ranger? That’s some Pee Wee League nonsense.
Meet the varsity. 
I remember running real fast past that girl in 3rd grade trying to impress her. Or in college taking up acting because I thought this other girl would dig that. Even tried my hand at a joke or two in the presence of those with the lady parts to get their attention. 
However, this is peak preening, kids. 
Pretending to be a general and chartering a helicopter?
Tip of the crazy hat to this guy. 
Feces flinger now gets all the Oreos he wants
There’s a lot of words here to say that someone’s pissed that this guy’s not still getting the shit beat out of him at Bagram somewhere. Like whoever wrote this would be pretty happy if they were force feeding al Darbi those Oreos he loves so much to him through a tube. 
I mean, if the man can give the prosecution what they need, and in exchange they let the dude run around in a Nike t-shirt (yeah, that detail’s in here), who gives a shit?
I see you, there in the red hat, fuming about this kind of thing. 
Worried that we’re too soft on terrorists like this guy, and it’s going to get worse. 
Never forget 9/11.
You know what ISIS and their affiliates will never forget?
Gitmo’s orange jumpsuits. 
I get it, they’re not people we can reason with, but we tried the rubber hose and baseball bat approach. We didn’t get an end to the war on terror. What we got instead were way too many videos of ISIS types burning a prisoner alive. 
In the jumpsuit. 
For a country that wants to stand on the moral high ground, maybe we need to act like it once in a while. Do a little less waterboarding. 
And give out a few more Oreos.
DoD overlooks 4,000 people who shouldn't have a gun
“Remember that thing in Texas?”
“Fuck. Yeah. We missed the ball on that guy.”
“So I did some checking. Turns out we missed a few more.”
Like more than two, but less than a million, so call that a win. And maybe 4,000 more people who, based on their past actions, might work their shit out with a firearm?
Don’t get that chance. 
I’m a…fan…of gun control. Of making it stupidly hard for people to own guns. As in all the people, not just the ones that crack their baby’s skull before slaughtering people in a church. 
I’m also a fan of people doing their fucking job.
And putting information that could bar people from buying that bangstick into the systems designed to make it hard for bad people to buy said bangsticks. 
Good on the DoD for getting off their ass on this. 
Now, how about we start addressing the underlying psychology that’s so pervasive that so many in the US think it’s pretty okey dokey to shoot people as therapy. 
US gives Russia the heads up before making it rain
It’s a throwback to a time when the great powers, while still getting ready to wipe each other off the map, would still be somewhat civil about the process. Because they understood that if anyone was going to be standing after the bombs turned the planet into a giant glow stick that coloring (mostly) within the lines would make sure something like a reasonable society would survive. 
Turns out that we’re still dropping bombs on Syria, only this time it was directed against pro-Syrian fighters. And not, as in the past, ISIL and their affiliates.
That’s because said fighters had conducted a pretty major attack against militias playing on the side of the angels. 
And the coalition (i.e. the Americans, mainly) responded. With a whole lot of firepower. Making it clear that these are indeed US allies and they will be accorded protection as such. 
Why mention the whoopassery?
Because even though ISIL’s defeated (everybody says so, must be true), there’s still a whole lot of Syria to clean up before the country’s going to be stable again. 
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